Tag Archive for 'porn'

Your Stimulus Dollars At Work, Folks. To Buy Porn-Making Equipment.

Published by Daisy on August 26, 2010 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 12 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

If you didn’t think the spendiddlydimulus was the biggest joke on the planet yesterday, I bet this will make you guffaw today. (Why yes, I did just use guffaw in a sentence). And if you still think that the gazillion-dollar spendiddlydimulus actually did ANYTHING USEFUL WHATSOEVER, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you. It costs a million dollars, and it’s located in my precious little town. In Indiana. Where the slogan is “10 million years and tidal wave free.”

According to this, some electrical engineering professor at the UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME was fired for using “$190,000 in federal grant money and matching university funds to buy cameras and other equipment to make homemade porno.”

OK, so this begs the obvious question we all are dying to have answered – what kind of CAMERAS are those? Are they gold-plated? Or did Professor Porn buy a matching bridge in a small town in Indiana to go with them? Holy crizzap.

Obama and McMensa’s Stimulus – BIG, GIANT, OFFENSIVE FAIL.

Saturday Spending Spree

Published by Mockarena on May 29, 2010 in Really?. 3 Comments Tags: , , , , .

According to this, the House just passed a bill to spend $84 BILLION on “keeping the country competitive in the fields of scientific and technological innovation.” Specifically, this money is going to be spent on programs at the National Science Foundation, the Dept of Energy Office of Science, National Institute of Standards and Technology, and probably a whole host of other federally run, federally-manpowered places.

It took 3 tries to get it passed, because Republicans who were all, “You guys – we HAVE NO MONEY” were able to squash it twice before. A couple of weeks ago, Republicans insisted on adding a provision to it which made tons of cuts and cracked down on federal workers watching porn on their office computers.

I don’t know about you guys, but the fact that our representatives now have to put Actual Wording in Actual Legislation which basically says, “Hey – you really shouldn’t watch porn at work” says something about our society. I don’t know what it says, exactly, but I don’t think it’s good.

Anyway, just add this bill to the other thousands we can’t actually pay for.

GAWD.

Not Cool, Mike Bennett. Not Cool.

Published by Mockarena on May 4, 2010 in Really?. 13 Comments Tags: , .

Senator Mike Bennett (R-FL) was caught lookin’ at some naked ladies during session the other day.

Well, half-naked anyway.

Now, the headlines are all screaming that he was looking at porn, but I hardly think four girls in bikini bottoms classifies as porn. Not that I would know. ;) He also looked at a picture of a dog, but thankfully the MSM has held off on the screams of bestiality (for now).

Up for debate on the floor? A controversial abortion bill. Something that as an elected representative, Mike Bennett should have been, you know, PAYING ATTENTION TO.

He claimed that it was an email sent to him by a “woman who happens to be a former court administrator.” He went on, “I was just sitting there, bored as they were debating the abortion bill. I opened it up and said holy [expletive]! What’s on my screen? and clicked away from it right away.”

See – that’s where you lost me, Mike. I could have bought that you opened up a quick email to multi-task during session, and it contained a photo you weren’t prepared for. But YOU SAID IN YOUR OWN WORDS that you were sitting there BORED during session. Which means that you were looking for other stuff to occupy your mind, instead of focusing on the debate that you were ELECTED to pay attention to.

You oughta lose your job, Mike. Not because you looked at four topless girls, but because in addition to not doing your job, you weren’t even a smart enough politician to know how to excuse yourself for it.

Idiot.

Here’s How Much Respect Government Agencies Have For Your Tax Dollars

Published by Mockarena on April 23, 2010 in Really?. 14 Comments Tags: , , .

The Securities and Exchange Commission achieved a bit of notoriety last year when they failed to catch on to the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme before investors lost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

In case you weren’t aware of the purpose of the SEC, according to its own mission statement, it is to “protect investors, maintain fair, orderly, and efficient markets, and facilitate capital formation.” So, like many other government agencies, they kind of suck at their job.

And now, because of this article, we are getting to find out why. It turns out that senior employees at the SEC spent hours and hours of their workdays surfing porn, riiiiiight when the whole collapse of the financial system was happening. According to the investigation, which was instigated at the request of Sen. Grassley (R-IA), THIRTY ONE offenders were identified over the past 2.5 years, and seventeen of those were senior SEC officers whose salaries range from 100k-200k annually. Salaries, of course, that WE PAY. And many of them are still on the job.

One senior attorney in particular spent up to eight hours a day browsing internet porn. His computer got so full of naughty pics that he had to start downloading to CD’s and DVD’s, so that boxes started piling up in his office. An accountant accessed porn sites 1800 times in TWO WEEKS. Another accountant accessed porn sites 16,000 times in a month.

The examples go on and on and on.

So, lately there’s been all this talk of financial regulatory reform, and Obama wanting to create new councils and new agencies for the purpose of “consumer protection.” Isn’t that what the SEC is FOR?

Obama – you miiiiight want to fix what’s actually broken, instead of adding more broken parts to a broken system.

GAWD.

This Republican Needs To Go Away

Published by Daisy on September 22, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 11 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Senator Tom Coburn’s (OK) Chief of Staff, Michael Schwartz, may want to spend more time actually being Chief of Staff and less time trying to be an armchair psychologist.

In this article, our lovely little “conservative” activist, claims that “homosexuality is wrong because most 10-year-old boys have an innate hatred for it.” (A lot of 10-year old boys hate girls, too, but I guess that’s neither here nor there.) He then talked about the “evils of pornography, echoing a friend who once told him that all porn was gay porn because it turned men inwards.”

Um, alrighty then.

And, then his piehole didn’t shut at that point, but continued to spew nonsense when he said, “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

A good thing to teach young people? Holy crazy.

In my own personal experience with gay friends and family members, these people were all gay when they came out of the womb. The whole notion of trying to steer someone into a life of straightness is ridiculous, antiquated, and just plain ignorant. This is the kind of dude that made Mock and I look at each other at lunch one day and say, “You know? Not all of us conservatives are old white dudes in stuffy suits. We should start a blog to convey that.” In fact, SOME conservatives out there – dare I say it – are GAY. (GASP!)

You know how we talk about conservatism needing a makeover? Well, this guy is a perfect example of why we need that in our party. How about knocking off the amateur psychology crap and doing your freakin’ job, Mr. Schwartz? Perhaps sticking to creating responsible fiscal policy or something useful like that. There’s a thought.

So, there you go, liberals. An early Christmas present. You can thank me later.

Senator Stormy?

Published by Mockarena on May 22, 2009 in News. 7 Comments Tags: , , , , .

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This is one of the few clothed pictures you can find online of Stormy Daniels.  If you’re a big porn watcher, you probably recognize her from countless porn movies with totally giggle-worthy titles.  If you’re not a big porn watcher, but have seen The 40-Year Old Virgin, you may remember Stormy Daniels from that slightly more tame performance.  If you’re not a big porn watcher, and you haven’t seen The 40-Year Old Virgin, then FYI – Stormy Daniels is a porn star.  And regardless of whether you’ve seen just this picture of her or you can recognize her by her unmentionable parts alone, we are all about to get to know Stormy Daniels in a way that probably few people expected, because she’s seriously contemplating a run for office.

This wasn’t quiiiiiite the way I’d envisioned the Republican party rebranding itself, but you know what?  I’m game. I mean, no reason not to listen to what she has to offer, right? Stormy has formed an exploratory committee for the 2010 senate race, in which she’d be running against Senator David Vitter.  And seeing as how he was all caught up in a  prostitution scandal of 2007, I don’t know that he’s going to have much of a leg to stand on with respect to criticizing her extracurricular activities.

Her full statement follows:

Stormy Daniels Announces Formation of Senate Exploratory Committee
NEW ORLEANS, LA. – May 21, 2009 – “Today, I am excited to announce that I am taking the next step in exploring a possible run for United States Senate. Two weeks ago, I embarked on a listening tour where I had the pleasure of hearing the thoughts and concerns of my fellow Louisianans. These conversations were highly encouraging and convinced me to officially explore the possibility of running for the United States Senate. To this end, I have formed an exploratory committee to gauge Louisianans’ support for my potential candidacy.

I do not take this step lightly. While I have been humbled by the overwhelmingly positive response my potential candidacy has generated thus far, my decision to run for United States Senate will only be made after I have had the opportunity to discuss this prospect with as many people across the state as possible. Too many in government ignore the voices of those whom they claim to represent. I promise you that I will not.

Forming this committee will allow me to raise the funds necessary to explore a possible run and will provide Louisianans an opportunity to continue sharing with me their concerns and ideas. I invite you to visit www.teamstormy.com and join me in taking this next important step.

In the coming months I will continue my listening tour and am eager to visit western and northern Louisiana. I look forward to discussing further the vital priorities facing our state and nation–including reforming the tax code to a system that rewards, rather than penalizes, success, protecting our children and promoting personal responsibility as an alternative to government intrusion.”

Thoughts?

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