Before I say anything else, let me just make clear that even though this post shows that it was posted by me, Mock, it was written jointly with Daisy, because we both wanted to make sure that we were as clear as we could possibly be about this explosive topic.
If y’all visited our Facebook page yesterday, you might have noticed that it was EXTREMELY ACTIVE, and there was tons of fighting (and lots of troll visits!) about the whole marriage equality thing. People on Facebook have been changing their profile photos to a big red Equals sign, in order, I suppose, to say, “LOOK AT ME! I AM A SUPPORTER OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY!” I find Facebook trends like this totally annoying, and said as much on our page yesterday. I didn’t say a WORD about my own views on gay marriage – I simply said that the equal sign pictures were junking up my newsfeed, and I posted a photo that a clever and competent reader sent me that represented the support of equal rights for unborn babies to see what everyone thought about it.
As of this writing, that photo has been shared over 9000 times and has been seen by well over a million people. There are over 3000 comments on that photo, most of which we haven't even had time to THINK about reading or reviewing.
But Daisy saw a bit of backlash, and posted a follow up which said, “For the record, everyone.....because I'm not in a good mood today, FYI. Mock didn't say ‘we're against gay marriage OR we're for gay marriage’ in her ‘I got really tired of everyone junking up my newsfeed yesterday with the giant red equal symbol’ post below. She just stated that she's tired of everyone acting like freaking sheep on Facebook. I just find it interesting that from that comment alone, people come to a definitive conclusion as to what our individual stances are on gay marriage. And interesting was the nicest word I could find there. I dug deep. Believe me.”
And she posted this picture, which I loved.
And that got us to chatting yesterday about what our official stance on gay marriage actually IS. And we’re going to be honest with you here. We are majorly conflicted on this issue. But not with each other. We are SIMILARLY conflicted – in that we both have the same concerns, the same compassion, the same sort of turmoil about the best answer. What we’re NOT majorly conflicted about, however, is how completely pissed off we get when people make ASSUMPTIONS about what we think about gay marriage. And yeah, liberal trolls, that means you in particular.
But our conversation went a little like this:
“Do we have a COTR official stance on gay marriage? Because I’ll be honest here – I kinda don’t care. It’s pretty much the LEAST of my concerns right now politically. I know I should probably care, but I JUST DON’T, Mock. I just have SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO CARE ABOUT right now. And if my gay friend Charles and his Charles were married, then OK. Cool. Whatever. Go register at freaking Crate and Barrel and get on with it already. I care about that as much as I care about you being married. But I absolutely, 100%, don’t think that churches should be forced to do ANYTHING EVER. And I think the feds should just stay out of people’s bedroom business altogether. And beyond that - I don’t flippin CARE. But you know what I DO care about? The fact that people put SO MUCH PASSION AND EFFORT into changing their Facebook profile pictures to that red equal sign, yet no one gives a rat’s ass that we’re GOING BANKRUPT in this country. A tiny SLIVER of folks are gay in this country, and about 70% of my feed this morning was all red-equal-sign happy, yet there’s not HALF the Facebook-profile-picture-bandwagon-passion in this country about Obamacare or Benghazi or the fact that our federal government is buying ammo at a FRIGHTENINGLY alarming rate, or that hundreds of thousands of babies are being murdered every year in this country, or that this administration is completely trampling our constitutional rights left and right. HELLO PEOPLE. But you put a graphic up of a red equal sign, and BAM. Everyone’s so PASSSSSSIONATE about the word marriage. Semantics, everyone! SEMANTICS. Have I missed some sort of announcement where I landed in freaking Crazytown? Bueller? Hello.”
“I don’t think we HAVE an official stance, because personally, I’m all sorts of conflicted about it. And here’s why:
1. I don’t think government should be involved in marriage at all. But…
2. …Government IS involved, so because of that, I think they should grant the SAME EQUAL RIGHTS to gay people to enjoy the SAME EQUAL BENEFITS of marriage that straight people have. BUT….
3. …I don’t see why so many gays are so adamant about having to change the definition of marriage. Marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman and it has always been defined that way. So, I tend to get a little prickly about the NAME. BUT…
4. …At the same time, I think, ‘Why should I care if they call themselves married or not? How does this affect me?’ And then I kinda think it doesn’t affect me. BUT…
5. …I totally feel like the traditional family breakdown is one of the primary reasons our country is so completely messed up right now. And the acceptance of homosexuality as “normal” has a role to play in that. Because as much as I love my gay friends, there is still that traditional part of me that thinks, you know what? It’s NOT normal. It’s different, and I love gay people as much as I love straight people, but it’s not how nature intended for things to be. At the same time, I totally believe that gay people are BORN gay. Because why on earth would anyone CHOOSE to be gay? That said, people are born in LOTS of ways that aren’t ‘normal.’ And I can’t think of a single other minority group (because let’s face it – gay people make up somewhere between 3-5% of the American population) which makes this much noise and demands THIS MUCH ATTENTION and this much accommodation. Which is why I’m always like, ‘You know what? I don’t care if you’re gay. But for crying out loud just be gay and SHUT UP ABOUT IT already.’ So basically, I’m all over the place about it. I don’t HAVE a specific stance, because of all of these internal conflicts I’ve got going on. You?”
“Yep. WE TOTALLY SHARE A BRAIN. And then you put kids in the mix? Well, therein lies more conflict. I mean, there’s a part of me that thinks, ‘Yeah, a kid needs a Mom and a Dad.’ Then I look at plenty of wacked out kids out there, and I think, ‘Yeaaaaah. Lindsay Lohan DOES have a Mom and a Dad, and she’s a walking nightmare and may have been better off with five random drag queens and a rabid badger raising her.’ TRUTH.”
“And you know what else? This isn’t even a religious issue for me. I mean, I get that it IS for lots of people and I have mad respect for that. But I don’t presume to decide what God thinks is sinful and what isn’t, considering that we ALL FREAKING SIN. Which is why I’m not about to go quoting scripture to anyone on this issue. Judge not, as they say.
And the kid thing. Sigh. I just think about how complicated this already is for schools, and how much modification and sidestepping there already is to make sure that non-traditional families are made to feeeeeel just as normal as traditional families. Again, we’re talking about 3-5% of the population that we’re having to bend over backwards for. Where does it end?"
And so you see – that’s where we are. We are just incredibly conflicted. But what we’re NOT conflicted about is equal rights for couples, no matter whether they’re gay or straight. Civil unions for everyone, in fact, if government must be involved. And then marriage through your church. DEFINITELY no forcing churches to marry gay couples if that’s not in line with their religious principles. And if gay people who are united civilly want to call themselves “married,” then you know what? We DON’T CARE. But there is absolutely no reason to make such a huge freaking fuss about insisting that the 95% of the rest of the country which ISN’T gay calls it “marriage.”
Can we stop talking about this total distraction now and focus on issues that really matter? Like the economy, and national security, and the fact that our constitutional rights are being eroded practically every day by the crazy people in DC right now?
So there you have it. That’s our official statement. Please stop telling us what we think about gay marriage now. Because up until this moment, I don’t think we’ve ever officially addressed it.
As you were.