A clever and competent reader sent me this link to a column from the Harvard newspaper (The Crimson) from February of 2003. Some of you may actually remember the story when it was new news, but I'd never heard about it before, and I found it SO FASCINATING, given the recent Vagina Extravaganzathon held at the University of Cincinnati last week. The quotes in this article serve as incontrovertible evidence that liberal feminists are absolutely the most clueless, hypocritical, perpetually-offended bunch of hosebeast harpies ever.
Apparently, some members of the Harvard crew team thought it’d be hilarious fun to build a gigantic, 9-foot penis out of snow. BEHOLD:
(Side note: I laughed SO HARD at the first sentence in the sourcelink, which said that when the crew team built the giant penis, they “never imagined it would be so hard to keep it up.” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! And further, they say that this huge phallus was “torn down just hours after its erection.” LOVE. )
(Side note #2: You have to appreciate the workmanship here. There are VEINS, you guys. VEINS.)
Women’s groups, naturally, went completely berserk. Amy Keel (a self-identified rape survivor pictured below) and her roommate took responsibility for destroying the snow penis just a few hours after it was (snicker) erected. Amy said, “It was offensive because it was pornographic. As a feminist, pornography is degrading to women and creates a violent atmosphere. Men think they have the right to force that on you. It’s a logical extension.”
The snow penis was pornographic, you guys. And it created a violent atmosphere. Don’t you see? That veiny snow penis was a THREAT TO WOMEN.
As Amy and her roommate feverishly worked to destroy the snow penis, she claimed that they were verbally and physically harassed by about 25 men. Amy said (emphasis mine), “A few people came out and crowded me with their bodies and one person shoved me away from the penis. It was gendered violence, because their comments were said in the context of our gender and accompanied by aggressive actions toward us.”
It got more ridiculous, because Women’s Studies lecturer Diane Rosenfeld weighed in and offered this gem: “The ice sculpture was erected in a public space, one that should be free from menacing reminders of women’s sexual vulnerability.” In the same email she claimed that the snow penis was simply one more addition to a long list of public phallic symbols, including – get this – the Washington Monument and MISSILES.
Take note, US Military - If you could just go ahead and start making vagina shaped missiles so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of COMPLETE LUNATICS like Diane Rosenfeld, that would be great. We can’t just go around having phallic shaped missiles in our arsenals, when that is SO NOT FAIR to vaginas. Vaginas want to protect the country toooooo!
The snow penis caused a flurry of conversation on and off campus, and prompted a Radcliffe Union of Students “discussion about feminist perspectives on the statue.” Because leave it to feminists to completely LOSE THEIR MINDS over a harmless (albeit tasteless) joke.
The sculptors were amazed at the backlash.
But Amy Keel was offended, you guys. And as we all know, life must come to a SCREECHING HALT when a feminist gets offended about something.
Here’s what I find so fascinating though. Feminists like Amy Keel were furious about a giant snow penis on campus, calling it pornographic and demeaning towards women, yet feminists at the University of Cincy thought it was completely appropriate to post giant billboard-sized photos of female genitalia on campus. I don’t know about you all, but I find this sort of discrimination against penises TOTALLY OFFENSIVE.
I am finding more and more that feminists really have absolutely no idea what they’re hysterical about. It’s just like when Ashley Judd was all outraged that hotels offer x-rated movies for rent. Remember that? Liberal feminists simply cannot decide what they should be hysterical about, so they’re just hysterical about everything, even when one hysterical tantrum completely contradicts another hysterical tantrum. Ashley Judd is outraged by women being sexually objectified, and about porn being available, but doesn’t bat an eyelash about her own extraordinarily racy sex scenes in some of her films, or about posing topless or in skimpy lingerie for men's magazines. Feminists shriek that a 9 foot snow penis is “pornography” and say that they should not “have to be subjected to an erect penis without express permission or consent,” but then force campus passersby to be subjected to gigantic photographs of vulvas at the University of Cincy, because they believe it would “incite conversation about the objectification, exploitation, and discrimination of women's bodies in advertising, health care, reproductive rights, and queer identities.”
And seriously, what is this crap about "express permission or consent before being subjected to an erect penis?" Is she expecting guys to have her sign off on some sort of authorization form?
As I’ve said before, it’s feminists' earnestness that just completely doubles me over with laughter. Amy Keel could’ve just said, “Hey – that whole snow penis is completely juvenile and inappropriate” and then destroyed it, and while I would’ve thought she was a total buzzkill, I wouldn’t be as apt to mock her over it. But nooooooooo. She had to go all, “This snow penis represents male domination and gendered violence!” on our assular areas.
I’m starting to be genuinely concerned about the possibility of crazy feminists trying to take down the ever-so-phallic Washington Monument now.
Oppressors of fun like Amy Keel are so completely miserable, I’m convinced, that they simply cannot conceive of the possibility that a bunch of college boys were just having a good time acting like teenagers with a middle school sense of humor. Instead, they convince themselves, and attempt to convince others, that harmless pranks like these are “implied threats” or “menacing reminders of women’s sexual vulnerability.” Give me a break.
If you think about it, feminists like Amy Keel and Ashley Judd are really doing a huge disservice to women, because they’re demonstrating that women are so weak, so fragile, and so easily wounded that they become permanently emotionally scarred by something as harmless as a freaking snow penis. What kind of message does that send to young girls and women? Where’s your strength? Your resilience? Your power?
Personally, I think these women need to grow some balls.