As y’all probably know, Daisy and I were in NYC this past Friday/Saturday to take part in Dennis Michael Lynch’s new film They Come To America 2, which will be released in April. I hadn’t been to NYC since I was a kid, and really have no memory of it, and this was Daisy’s first time there EVER, so we were really nervous and excited to be in the Big Apple.
We went with a few expectations – to do the filming, to meet up with Todd Starnes, our new best friend at Fox, to see Times Square, to take a photograph in front of the Tiffany’s sign, and to buy fake purses. Anything beyond that, frankly, was going to be a mega bonus, especially since we had precisely 28 hours to do all of these things.
When we landed at LaGuardia at 11am on Friday morning, and went outside to find a cab, we were IMMEDIATELY approached by a short, bald, greek dude, about 60 years old, who asked if we needed a ride to our hotel. We said yes, and he said, “Follow me.” We followed him across the street into the parking garage, which was a little weird, and he was all Mr. McChattypants and super friendly. And then we went deeper into the garage. And deeper. And all of a sudden he’s loading our bags into a totally unmarked SUV. And Daisy looks at me and says, “Um – I’m pretty sure we’re about to be sold into sexual slavery. FYI.” Because it was all very SKETCH.
So we asked who he worked for, asked to see his license and certification and whatnot, and he was very understanding about our concerns, happily showed us his credentials, and off we went. And you guys, he was the NICEST CABBIE EVER. Like – the kind of nice that resulted in us giving him giant hugs by the time we got to our hotel. And we arranged for him to pick us up for our return trip the next day. Lambros Kolaris – WE LOVE YOU.
Once we got to the hotel, we had a few hours to just chill out before DML and his camera man arrived for filming – so we found a diner a couple blocks away and had a yummy brunch. One thing we noticed about NYC – everything is very crowded. Like – not crowded in the sense that you can’t get IN anywhere, but crowded as in you are packed in like sardines no matter where you are. The buildings are all close together, the streets are narrow, and the booths in restaurants are on top of one another. It’s kinda claustrophobic, really.
DML had asked if we had a window in our hotel room, and since we did, he decided for lighting purposes the best place to film would be with us seated in our windowsill. While we waited for him to arrive, we discovered that we could NOT TURN DOWN OUR HEAT, and it was positively sweltering in the room. So we called maintenance. DML and Rory the camera dude arrived, and started setting up all sorts of cameras and lights and movie making technical stuff in the room. And THAT is when maintenance arrived. Juuuuust in time to see what I’m POSITIVE looked like a porno in the making. Except, of course, that it wasn’t. But yeah – the optics on that had to be HILARIOUS.
Anyway, we filmed and got to talk about the conservative makeover and the survey we’d conducted back in December about illegal immigration/amnesty, and then it was time to head to dinner. We walked, and it snowed, and it was all very beautiful looking, and as we walked, I saw that we were about to pass Tiffany’s and so I basically started hyperventilating and we grabbed a quick photo.
Dinner was A.MAZE.BALLS. We ate at BLT Steakhouse – anyone ever been? WOW. Excellent. Many thanks to DML for the lovely meal.
The next morning, we were DETERMINED to go to Chinatown to snag ourselves some Louis Vuitton fake purses. DML had given us tips on where to have a cab drop us off, but we still didn’t really know what to do when we GOT there. Plus, it was absolutely freezing, so once we got to Canal Street, we just decided to start walking. I am not kidding you, within 20 seconds, there was a Chinese woman walking along side us, who said, “You want purses? You want jewelry? You want watches? I got Louis Vuitton, I got Michael Kors, I got Gucci, I got Tiffany’s…” and so we looked at each other, and then back at the Chinese woman, and said, “YES WE DO WANT THOSE THINGS.” And she said, “Follow me.” And we prepared ourselves, once again, to face the possibility of being sold into sexual slavery.
Happily, we didn’t have to follow her down any dark alleys or go into any creepy buildings. Nope – we just had to go to a street corner, where there were like 6 Chinese dudes ready to show us brochures of all of their purses and whatnot. We picked out a few we wanted, and off they ran to go fetch them. Unfortunately, they were ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. And we were super disappointed. Daisy found some jewelry she liked, but mostly we were too cold to even keep looking. We were approached by a black dude who asked if we wanted purses, and when we told him we weren’t happy with anything we’d seen so far, he said, “Look. I’m black, not Chinese” which we found HILARIOUS, and decided we’d give him a chance to show his stuff. He said, “Follow me” and took off. We couldn’t even keep up with him, and he didn’t turn around to see if we were there, and so we decided to just get a cab and head to Times Square. As we waited on a cab, he came back to us, and was TOTALLY HURT by the fact that we hadn’t followed him. I mean, he genuinely had his feelings hurt, you guys. He said, “You could have at least said ‘No, thank you’…” all pitiful-like, and so we told him we were sorry and couldn’t keep up with him and were late for an appointment. And then we giggled all the way to Times Square about how ridiculous it was that we hurt a street vendor’s feelings in New York City. This could only happen to us.
We shopped a bit in Times Square and then heard from Todd Starnes that we could meet him at the Fox News headquarters, which was a HUGE TREAT. When he fetched us from the lobby, we had absolutely NO IDEA that we’d be given a tour of the studios. We were blown away by how nice he was and how lucky we were to get to see the Fox and Friends couch, the Hannity studio set, the offices of all of the personalities, the radio room, the control rooms, etc. It was basically the best hour ever. We also met Rick Reichmuth in the hallway, who was precious and took all sorts of photos with us. It was just epic awesomesauce-ularity to see all of that in person. Todd Starnes is basically the nicest person alive. Seriously.
After that, we stopped in a pub to have lunch, and then it was back to our hotel to get ready to be picked up by our cute little cabbie again, who informed us that we totally missed out on getting fake purses of Actual Decent Quality, because his cousin sells them. GAH. Next time.
We are still both recovering from the past week’s events and this weekend’s trip – and so if you notice we’re on the sluggish side with respect to posting and whatnot, that’s why. It’s because we’re barely functioning at this point.
Be gentle with us, clever and competent readers. And thanks for your patience with our site as we work out the kinks. We will be switching servers this coming weekend, after completing all of the prep work for that this past weekend, and registrations/logins and our old commenting structure will be back in business by a week from today!