Author Archive for Daisy

This Pretty Much Says It All, Folks

Published by Daisy on September 2, 2010 in General Political Mockery, RAAAAACISTS!!!! and Really?. 5 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .

If you don’t want to listen to the whole video, just start listening around the one-minute mark, and you’ll hear Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick talking about how, when asked about Glenn Beck’s Restoring Honor rally, he wishes that America wasn’t a free country.

Yep. If that statement BY ITSELF doesn’t explain to all the liberals in this country WHY wackjob patriots like myself don’t like the direction in which we’re headed – why there’s a damn TEA PARTY to begin with – then they are beyond any hopeful shred of intelligence and reason.

Unfreakinbelivable.

You Guys Better Vote In November. Or Chuck Norris Will Roundhouse Kick Your Assular Areas.

Published by Daisy on September 2, 2010 in General Political Mockery, News and You Know What I Love?. 4 Comments Tags: , , , .

A clever and competent reader sent this to us this morning, and it made me giggle.

In case you didn’t know, here are five starter facts – of 100 on this particular site - about Mr. Norris:

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

And according to this video, you really need to register to vote, if you haven’t already. I don’t want to think about what will happen if you don’t.

Just sayin.

Rachel McUglyShoes Is Mad Because Obama Actually Had Something NICE To Say About Bush (THE HORROR)

Published by Daisy on September 2, 2010 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 14 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .

When I was a kid, I LOVED watching old reruns of the Three Stooges. Now? Not so much. Mainly because it reminds me of the folks in this video.

What irritated me most about it was when Olbermann actually restated a POSITIVE comment Obama had made about Bush – about how he was ALWAYS supportive of the troops and a huge supporter of the military and their families.

Rachel McUglyShoes, of course, does that sarcastic eye-roll guffaw thing she does, and looks as if she’s about to hold her breath and jump up and down because something positive – GOD FORBID – was said about Bush. Because, as we ALL know, in the end, EVERYTHING is Bush’s fault. Still. Yep. STILL.

Holy wackness.

Warning: Hate and Living In A Fantasy World May Cause Bloat

Published by Daisy on September 1, 2010 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 19 Comments Tags: , .

Let me just start this post by giving a direct shout-out to my dear sister. Daisy Sister – PLEASE SIT DOWN FOR THIS ONE.

You see, my sister has this sort of school girl crush on John Cusack. Sure, she’s in her forties, but she’s loved John since his days as a nerd in Sixteen Candles, his breakout role in Say Anything, and let’s just say that she’s followed him ever since. So yeah….sorry sis.

With that said, this article may destroy her just a little. After all, she’s a conservative gal like me. And, John Cusack? Um, yeeeeah. He’d like FOX News and all GOP peeps to die in some sort of satanic ritual, it seems. Because he’s sane and stuff.

Here’s one of John’s completely unhinged tweets:

“I AM FOR A SATANIC DEATH CULT CENTER AT FOX NEWS HQ AND OUTSIDE THE OFFICES ORDICK ARMEYAND NEWT GINGRICH-and all the GOP WELFARE FREAKS,” Cusack tweeted.

I mean, you can’t get more direct than that, folks. You know, other than just beating the sh*t out of some conservatives with your bare hands, that is.

The article went on to say this:

Cusack has long been outspoken about politics. He supported Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election and has contributed to The Huffington Post, but this is the first known time he has stooped to the level of making threats.

And while the U.S. Constitution protects Cusack’s right to speak his mind, some critics say he should be more careful about what he says, since he has more than 200,000 Twitter followers.

“His provocative tweets could easily incite a rabid fan to commit violent acts against Fox News Headquarters and others he names,” said Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist and author of “Coping With Terrorism: Dreams Interrupted.”

Basically, what we have here is a case of hate speech. By a (self-believing) high-profile celebrity type person. Well, let me rephrase that. It’s hate speech in a NORMAL world when hateful, violent speech is treated equally. However, we don’t live in a normal world anymore. Instead, we live in a world where celebridiots spew illogical crap from their pieholes atop their big ol’ glass houses on a rainbow cloud filled with Skittles and unicorns. And if you yell hateful, despicable, violent things at conservatives (and dare I say, Christians?), then you’re some sort of intellectual hero these days (I just vomited a little in my mouth). Moreover, according to the article, celebrities have some sort of impact on the little people. Sheeple People actually LISTEN to John Cusack and give a rat’s butt what he says. Which is completely pathetic and makes me fear for humanity, but I digress.

I have to try to see it from both sides, though, right? I mean, if my career was completely over, I had really bad hair, I all of a sudden looked like a really bloated version of my former self that may or may not have smoked a pack of unfiltered Marlboros for the past 15 years, and I hadn’t made a decent movie in, well, forever (2012, anyone?), I guess I’d be sort of pissy, too. It’s a lot like Michael Moore drowning his hypocritical hate-filled psychoses in gooey baked goods. It all starts with wishing satanic death cults upon people, and then it gets REALLY ugly and turns to Twinkies, you guys.

Well, at least Mr. Cusack has THIS to forward to. Good luck with that:

The Most Hilarious Thing You’ll See All Week. Guaranteed.

Published by Daisy on September 1, 2010 in Really?. 13 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .

If you’re in the mood for a nice chuckle with a side of cringe this morning, then watch this video of Alvin McAwkward Greene dancing to his own rap song. Well, trying to dance, anyway (Mock made me giggle this morning when she said that he apparently went to the same dancing school as Obama).

This video makes me think two things. One, Democrats are HILARIOUS. And two, I’m thinking about encouraging my youngest Great Dane to run for Congress. I honestly think he can win.

Liberals Are Awesome At Attempting To Rewrite History

Published by Daisy on August 31, 2010 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 11 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

You know how Obama and his crew spin just about every craptastic thing they’ve done in the past (almost) two years? Tonight, spinning the Iraq war as some sort of victory for HIM is inevitable. Because, as we all know, everything is all ABOUT HIM, right?

It’s that sort of attempt at spin – the rewriting of history, if you will, that fascinates me about the left. It’s as if someone pulled them aside in undergrad school and taught them some secret class on it. Just look at articles like this one and this one to give you the other side of the spin – that whole truth thing.

Hypocrisy is lovely, isn’t it?

Speaking of attempting to rewrite history, this article did a good job in irritating the crap out of me tonight. It’s about a new Ted Kennedy biography. Here’s a lovely quote about said biography:

Now, a year after Kennedy died, his lifelong biographer Burton Hersh, armed with fresh interviews with Kennedy’s mistress at the time, tells Whispers that the whole July 1969 episode should have been handled as a simple crash, leaving the senator’s legacy untainted. “It was a car accident,” he says. “Ted was a terrible driver. He never paid much attention to where he was going.”

Yep. He displayed a lot of confusion when he left Mary Jo in the car, passed several houses where he could’ve called to get help for her as she was fighting for her life upside down at the bottom of a waterway, but instead walkedback to the party and didn’t even think to report the freakin’ accident until the next day. You know, when other people sort of told him to and stuff.

In fact, a diver named John Farrarthat made this statement about Kopechne’s death in 1970:

It looked as if she were holding herself up to get a last breath of air. It was a consciously assumed position. … She didn’t drown. She died of suffocation in her own air void. It took her at least three or four hours to die. I could have had her out of that car twenty-five minutes after I got the call. But he [Ted Kennedy] didn’t call.

But yeah. That Ted was a stand-up guy, all right. It was just an accident. And you know, Mary Jo was just a girl. One that wasn’t a Kennedy, of course.

GAWD.

In the end, it all comes down to the spin, folks. Always a good thing to remember these days. Just sayin.

This Post Is Two-Fold: Make Sure You Hug Your Policepeople Today, And Ronald Reagan’s Ghost Is Living Upstairs At My House

Published by Daisy on August 31, 2010 in General Political Mockery. 32 Comments

So, if you’ve been reading the past few days, you would’ve noticed that Mock has been holding down the proverbial fort for the most part, while I’ve been jet-setting to places like Iowa. And Pennsylvania.

AWESOME.

Anywho, I got back at 2 am today, and I’ve been trying to catch up on things. Of course, my life is one of those where whenever I start making plans, it seems to have a plan of its own and I just sit back and watch things unfold. Take today, for example. Six cops just left my house.

I figure instead of explaining the past hour and a half to our clever and competent readers, I’d just post Mock’s and my IM thread that basically explains it for you.

Here you go:

Daisy: are you there?
Mock: yip
Daisy: i just had six cops at my house.
Daisy: four cop cars.
Mock: WHAAAA?A
Mock: what in the world???
Daisy: yeah. I thought someone was upstairs.
Mock: are you k?
Mock: omg
Daisy: i heard a man’s voice, like on the phone kind of man’s voice.
Daisy: up in Dandelion’s room.
Daisy: so I was like, “um, yeeeeeah.”
Mock: holy crap what was it????
Daisy: I barricaded myself in my bedroom, got my Glock, put an extra round in my pants, and called Mr. Daisy. Mr. Daisy kinda got mad at me and demanded, “CALL THE COPS. THAT’S THEIR JOB.”
Mock: where were the dogs? were they going nuts?
Mock: OMG WHAT WAS IT?!??!
Daisy: so I went outside, and of course I freaked out because I saw the blinds sort of move upstairs in her room….
Daisy: nothing.
Daisy: they did a sweep of the whole house.
Mock: WHAAA?
Daisy: here’s the thing.
Daisy: my Dad bought Dandelion this book….
Daisy: it’s him – her Grandpa reciting the Night Before Christmas.
Daisy: and I thought maybe it was the book.
Daisy: because it sounded JUST like it.
Daisy: but you have to OPEN THE BOOK and turn pages for it to do that.
Mock: holy crap throw that sh*t away
Daisy: and NO ONE LIVES UPSTAIRS since Stepflower is back at school and Dandelion sleeps in our room
Mock: that’s creepy as hell
Daisy: i know. i’m totally pitching it.
Daisy: it may be burned tonight, I think.
Daisy: but I didn’t just hear it once.
Mock: so they looked absolutely everywhere?
Mock: in every possible spot?
Daisy: i heard it. Then, it stopped, then I heard it again about five minutes later. which is when I called the cops.
Mock: EVERY HAIR ON MY ARM is standing up right now
Daisy: they had their guns drawn and were screaming, “***** COUNTY POLICE….IS ANYONE IN THE HOUSE?”
Mock: i can’t take it
Daisy: guns drawn, all over my house. SIX OF THEM
Mock: holy mother of crap
Mock: and they looked under beds and in closets and everywhere, right?
Daisy: that was kinda comical, actually, considering I told dispatch I just wanted ONE DUDE WITH A GUN to come out and check my upstairs.
Daisy: they looked everywhere.
Daisy: they even went into my attic. with their guns drawn.
Mock: wow
Daisy: so yeah.
Daisy: if someone is in my house, then they hid well and they’re still here.
Mock: send tessie to do a 2nd sweep
Daisy: and I still have a gun with an extra round next to me, just in case.
Mock: omg
Daisy: I did the dog sweep!
Mock: that is OUT OF CONTROL
Daisy: i had all the dogs go all over the house with me to see if they smelled something weird.
Daisy: they’d go towards a person smell.
Mock: but you didn’t hear any shuffling or rustling around after the voice right?
Daisy: totally bizarre
Mock: it was just the creepy voice?
Daisy: i heard a rustling after the voice, yes.
Mock: OMG
Mock: I am totally freaked out
Daisy: but God only knows…it could’ve been my imagination at that point. I was SPOOKED
Mock: are your windows up there open?
Daisy: I went to the doctor right before lunch hour, and didn’t lock my back door. And I didn’t set the alarm, and I usually do.
Daisy: so when I heard the voice, I immediately thought, “holy sh*t….the dogs were in their cages…someone could have walked right in and just be hanging out upstairs”
Mock: You might have yourself a ghost
Daisy: the police totally thought I was a stupid bimbo
Daisy: you know they do
Mock: were they hot?
Daisy: you know what? I think I may have a ghost.
Daisy: OMG. like THREE of the six were totally smokin hot
Daisy: and I was all,
Mock: HA HA HA HA HA
Daisy: “well, since half your squad is here, do you guys want a cold beverage or something?”
Mock: HA HA HA HA
Daisy: two of them laughed.
Mock: omg
Daisy: the older guy didn’t think it was funny
Mock: that is SO GREAT
Mock: stupid older guy
Mock: what does he know
Daisy: i was like, “I swear I’m not mental. I heard voices, and they were NOT in my head.”
Daisy: and the dogs were mauling all of them. with love, of course.
Mock: and was the creepy book in the same spot as always?
Daisy: yes. the creepy book was CLOSED. and in the exact same spot it’s always been.
Mock: Yep. You’ve got a ghost.
Daisy: you have to open the book to a PAGE to have it talk.
Mock: Which is cool if he’s nice.
Daisy: so I’m a little spooked by it all.
Daisy: i hope it’s my Grandma.
Daisy: i mean, my Dad gave us the book. his mom being the ghost would make sense.
Mock: but a man’s voice? What’s your grams doing with a man voice?
Daisy: well, my assumption is that the ghost wouldn’t talk itself….it would open the book that dad made
Mock: you know who it is? Ronald Reagan.
Daisy: OMG. It’s TOTALLY RONALD REAGAN.
Mock: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Daisy: Yep. It’s Ronald Reagan.
Mock: It’s official. Reagan is living in the upstairs of your house.

Just so we’re all clear. There is never a dull moment at the Daisy/Mr. Daisy ranch, Ronald Reagan’s ghost is apparently living in the currently unused nursery upstairs in my house. And, policemen are awesome. And should be given hugs more than usual today.

It’s not even 2 pm. I need a drink. That is all.

One In Six Americans Receive Government Aid

Published by Daisy on August 30, 2010 in General Political Mockery. 11 Comments

Greetings from Iowa, clever and competent readers. This morning is yet another stop on my whirlwind tour of uber-awesome places like Philadelphia and Des Moines.

I did manage to try Nutella for the first time last night (and now I wonder where it’s been my whole life) at the Delta Crown Room – which I only got into because my boss deemed me worthy to stand next to him when entering the place. The best part of my trip was watching crazy people at the Minn/St. Paul airport – my layover spot – where I got to see some chick with a terrible head wound (and no bandage in sight), along with a guy who was singing a song about cheese while taking off his shirt.

Please try hard to not be jealous of my jet-set life.

Working my assular area off this past week and trying to juggle more things than I honestly think I can (I’m faking it well, thanks), I saw this article which reminds me that one in six Americans are receiving government aid. So, you know what that means? I have to work HARDER.

And so do you.

Directly from USA Today:

Government anti-poverty programs that have grown to meet the needs of recession victims now serve a record one in six Americans and are continuing to expand.

More than 50 million Americans are on Medicaid, the federal-state program aimed principally at the poor, a survey of state data by USA TODAY shows. That’s up at least 17% since the recession began in December 2007.

“Virtually every Medicaid director in the country would say that their current enrollment is the highest on record,” says Vernon Smith of Health Management Associates, which surveys states for Kaiser Family Foundation.

The program has grown even before the new health care law adds about 16 million people, beginning in 2014. That has strained doctors. “Private physicians are already indicating that they’re at their limit,” says Dan Hawkins of the National Association of Community Health Centers.

More than 40 million people get food stamps, an increase of nearly 50% during the economic downturn, according to government data through May. The program has grown steadily for three years.

Cue the need for me to chug one of those little airline bottles of Jack Daniels.

Hope and change, everyone. Awesome.

Wow. They’re Actually Starting To ADMIT That There’s A Double Standard.

Published by Daisy on August 29, 2010 in General Political Mockery and You Know What I Love?. 17 Comments

This whole surge of liberals actually admitting that their media is biased and that Obama may NOT be the Messiah is, well, kind of amusing to me. It’s like watching a National Geographic special where – BAM, out of nowhere – a species eats its young.

Behold the Morning Joe folks with the semi-mute and always moronic (and unknown to me….does anyone know who this chick is?) blonde sidekick person talking about how if George Bush was on his sixth (or ninth, whatever) vacation, and if he was asked about Iran and then dodged it by saying that he was busy “buying shrimp,” he may have just gotten a weeeee bit of skewering from the liberal media.

Maybe just a tad. Just a hunch.

They’re starting to implode, folks. And the evidence? The little brain farts here and there where this stuff is finally being admitted. Out loud.

Underhanded Way To Control Gun Use? You Decide.

Published by Daisy on August 28, 2010 in General Political Mockery. 9 Comments

The EPA is trying to restrict lead bullets. According to this article, their effort to do so is believed by the NRA to be a “a vehicle to implement gun control” and could end hunting by most who can’t afford the higher priced alternatives to lead.

Here’s the gist of the issue, according to NRA – “the EPA is barred from regulating ammo or fishing sinkers under the Toxic Substances Control Act. But the ammo foes think that they have found a way around that by asking the EPA to regulate elements of ammo and the element they want banned is the lead.”

The NRA wrote a nice little letter to the EPA, basically explaining to them that they don’t have the right to “regulate ammunition of any composition.” Here’s the letter in its entirety, in case you want to read it. And, if you’re a gun owner like me or a person who believes that the government needs to quit screwing with the right of American citizens to bear arms (and quit trying to control EVERY freakin’ aspect of my life, for that matter), then I suggest you skim the letter. It makes me proud to have a membership, actually.

Let’s just call it what it is, people. It’s another way for yet another bureaucratic entity to try to put its grubby hands in the lives of American citizens. And on our collective right to bear arms. Just in a sneaky, back-door kind of way. Which sucks even more, because it’s so used-car salesman smarmy-like.

I’ll be the first one to say – it’s not about the guns. It’s about the RIGHT TO HAVE THEM. And I’m sure you, clever and competent readers, have an opinion. Me? I think it smells a bit like monkey crap.

I’m Thinking Ed Needs A New Jacket. One That Ties In The Back.

Published by Daisy on August 28, 2010 in General Political Mockery. 17 Comments

Holy CRAP, you guys. Listen to the video below to hear Ed Schultz talk about Glenn Beck and Fox News and how he’s gaining viewer momentum (pathetic and desperate much?) and a bunch of other random, stream of consciousness crazy crap that made me, at least, wonder why in the hell this guy isn’t heavily medicated. YESTERDAY.

Basically, the Reader’s Digest version of this absolute psychotic rant is that Ed would like to physically harm people on the right, then lift his leg like a dog and urinate on them. Nice, huh? It will never cease to amaze me how liberals think that they’re the party of compassion and love and all that happy horse sh*t, when they have people like this to represent them.

Completey and totally unhinged. But you’re right, Democrats. Tea Party participants are the nutjobs.

Welcome once again to Bizarro World, folks.

Happy Birthday To Me

Published by Daisy on August 27, 2010 in General Political Mockery and News. 15 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

This video, as Mock would say, “gave me the glees.” I don’t really GET the glees, mind you. I’m more of a smirk with a cackle kind of gal. But this video actually did bring forth an emotional response that may resemble some sort of gleeification.

Yes, I just made that word up. Like Sarah Palin makes up words. I’m a conservative woman….we do that.

So, back to the gleeful video thing. When uber-liberals start actually SAYING OUT LOUD that Democrats are in trouble and are giving some semblance of WAY OVERDUE credit to the GRASSROOTS efforts of the Tea Party, I have to sit back and giggle a little bit.

Today I was smiled upon by the Travel Gods, I made it home safe and sound from my trip, I have mauled my hubby and baby daughter and giraffes with hugs and kisses, I am currently waiting for my filet mignon to be done (with steak fries and cold beer, of course), and I just didn’t think my birthday could get any better than this.

And then I saw this video.

Semi-glee. For sure.

Your Stimulus Dollars At Work, Folks. To Buy Porn-Making Equipment.

Published by Daisy on August 26, 2010 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 12 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

If you didn’t think the spendiddlydimulus was the biggest joke on the planet yesterday, I bet this will make you guffaw today. (Why yes, I did just use guffaw in a sentence). And if you still think that the gazillion-dollar spendiddlydimulus actually did ANYTHING USEFUL WHATSOEVER, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you. It costs a million dollars, and it’s located in my precious little town. In Indiana. Where the slogan is “10 million years and tidal wave free.”

According to this, some electrical engineering professor at the UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME was fired for using “$190,000 in federal grant money and matching university funds to buy cameras and other equipment to make homemade porno.”

OK, so this begs the obvious question we all are dying to have answered – what kind of CAMERAS are those? Are they gold-plated? Or did Professor Porn buy a matching bridge in a small town in Indiana to go with them? Holy crizzap.

Obama and McMensa’s Stimulus – BIG, GIANT, OFFENSIVE FAIL.

Hi. It’s Daisy Here. I’m In Philly. And, I’m Feeling Particularly Snarky (That’s Warning One)

Published by Daisy on August 26, 2010 in FLOTUS and General Political Mockery. 25 Comments Tags: .

As Mock told you in a previous entry, I’m in Philadelphia on business most of this week, bringing home the proverbial bacon, frying it up in a pan, and all that stuff. I think I’ve been to Philly before, but I believe I was a wee tot, so I don’t remember it, and I obviously didn’t understand the historical significance of the place.

I ate dinner at Carpenters’ Hall last night, which is known best for being the place where the first Continental Congress was hosted in 1774. It’s quite the beautiful little building. While gnawing on a lamb chop, I realized that I was in a room rich with history. I looked around and soaked in the fact that there were a lot of really important people that sat exactly where I was sitting. People who basically had a huge hand in creating our awesome country. And then I realized that life is short. So despite me being all worky-worky since I flew into town, I fully intend to get my butt on some sort of tour this evening – even if that equates to me harassing a local to show me some cool crap. Fingers are crossed. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, my Internet connection BLOWS, and technological aspects of my life have been frustrating these past few days, to say the least. So THANK YOU to my partner in crime, Mock, for holding down the fort while I deal with men in suits. And crappy connections.

This all adds to my already present sense of snarkiness, naturally. (That was Warning Number Two.) And so, when I read an article on the continued vacationing of the Obamas in Martha’s Vineyard, I was already a little annoyed. Then I saw this picture, and I think my reaction was WHIZZAH WHUZZAH?

What in the hell is up with FLOTUS’ shirt?

Seriously. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. With all the money they throw around, could she not hire a stylist? Or, I don’t know, just take a gander in the mirror or something. If I’m not mistaken, I think I just heard Jackie Kennedy roll over in her grave.

GAWD.

You can now resume your normal activities. That is all.

Ah Yes. Yet Another Example Of The “Compassionate” Left

Published by Daisy on August 25, 2010 in General Political Mockery. 41 Comments

And by compassionate, I mean foul-mouthed and well, downright evil-sounding. I’ll go ahead and tell you that I’m already a bit biased watching this video, as I believe that you should never yell obscenities at anyone who could be your grandfather or one of your grandpa’s buddies. But I’m one of those kooky chicks who has a soft spot for old people, kids, dogs, and military folk. So sue me already.

Behold some footage from the Ground-Zero-mosque demonstrations – specifically, a liberal screaming at an 82-year old Holocaust survivor about freedom, of all things. You know, because a freakin’ Holocaust survivor wouldn’t have a CLUE about freedom or the value of it, right? Naaah.

The language in this video is bad (“compassionate” dude really likes the F-bomb), so you’ve been warned if you have kids around and/or squeamish coworkers or you’re just generally offended by a left-wing dude in a really bad shirt yelling at an elderly man who lived through the Holocaust. Whichever, really.

And they think we’re a bunch of wackjobs. Wow.

Oh, and screaming liberal dude? Nick Nolte called, and he’d like his mugshot hairstyle back.

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