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Monthly Archive for April, 2009

I Guess We Should Talk About Benedict Arlen

Published by Mockarena on April 30, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 8 Comments Tags: , .

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You’ve probably heard by now that Arlen Specter, long time Republican and total hottie, has switched teams.  And he’s admitted that he’s done so, in part, because he wants to keep his job, and the writing was on the wall that he was about to have his assular area handed to him in the next election cycle. 

This is a man who has represented PA as a Republican since 1980.  But nonetheless, he said, “I was unwilling to subject my 29-year record in the U.S. Senate to the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate. But I am pleased to run in the primary on the Democratic ticket and am ready, willing and anxious to take on all comers in the general election.”  Translation:  “I have no integrity, so clearly I belong on the Democratic ticket. Please re-elect me. ”

Naturally, Obama basically threw a party for Specter over this news.   They’re all excited, you see, because if Al Franken actually finally lands the MN seat, they’ll have their filibuster-proof Senate majority of 60 seats. 

Reid called Specter a “man of honor and integrity” who would be welcome in the Democratic caucus.  I am fairly certain that equates to a Godfather style Kiss of Death.

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele totally called Specter out, and said, “Let’s be honest — Sen. Specter didn’t leave the GOP based on principles of any kind. He left to further his personal political interests because he knew that he was going to lose a Republican primary due to his left-wing voting record.”

Arlen is 79 years old and has suffered cancer 3 times, most recently just 4 years ago.  It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility that he just doesn’t remember which party he belongs to.

Joe Biden Surprisingly Still Allowed to Speak In Public

Published by Daisy on April 30, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 9 Comments Tags: , , .

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In addition to having magical powers by being able to make 3-letter words out of actual 4-letter words, Joe Biden made a statement today about avoiding “taking any commercial flight or riding in a subway car at this point because swine flu virus can spread in confined places.”

A contradiction to Obama’s statement about swine flu, Biden then backed off his statement a mere hour later, saying,

“I would tell members of my family — and I have — I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now,” Biden said on NBC’s “Today” show.. “It’s not that it’s going to Mexico. It’s [that] you’re in a confined aircraft. When one person sneezes, it goes all the way through the aircraft. That’s me. …

“So, from my perspective, what it relates to is mitigation. If you’re out in the middle of a field when someone sneezes, that’s one thing. If you’re in a closed aircraft or closed container or closed car or closed classroom, it’s a different thing.”

And then a White House spokesperson, of course, had to get involved to make yet ANOTHER statement to clarify the President’s totally different initial statement that kept people from being panicked and consequently let the airlines and big-city subway systems keep on running without any hiccups.  Or medical advice from Biden.  Or panic.  You know.

I mean, of COURSE a White House staffer had to get involved to speak for him.  It would be way too difficult for him to speak for himself clearly, seeing as how he’s so busy waiting for his Mensa application to go through.

I’d just like to point out that this dude is the Vice President of the United States of America. 

Happy Thursday.

 

You Know Who I Hate?

Published by Mockarena on April 29, 2009 in You Know What I Hate?. 8 Comments Tags: , , , .

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First off, you guys – sorry about the total lack of posting over the last day or two – but Daisy and I have been on a girl trip to Chicago having total fun and completely ignoring news and politics altogether, so we’re behind.  On the way home now, and trying to catch up, when I caught wind of a fantastic story about everyone’s favorite hypocritical jerkface, Keith Olbermann.

According to this,  some completely awesome dude started a petition calling for Keith to return his recent pay raise to the Treasury Department.  Here’s what the petition says:

Dear Mr. Olbermann,

While General Electric, the parent-company of your MSNBC network, was negotiating a $126 billion taxpayer funded bailout,  you signed a new contract raising your salary from $4 million to $7.5 million annually. You have used your show as a platform to call for the resignation of corporate executives accepting excessive bonuses on the backs of taxpayers who are picking up the tab for these atrocious bailouts, yet you yourself have no problem engaging in the same “class economic rape” that you accuse them of.

Please heed your own advice and stop accepting taxpayer money to subsidize your nightly diatribes. Resign or return the balance of your excessive raise to the U.S. Treasury.”

There are no words to describe my love for this petition.

LOVE.

Yes We Can!

Published by Daisy on April 28, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 5 Comments Tags: , , , .

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Turns out all the butt-kissing has paid off.  According to the Guardian, Ahmadinejad is now using Obama’s fabulous campaign slogan, “Yes We Can.”  

The Iranian President is seeking reelection on June 12, and apparently, since he and Obama are best new buds, Ahmadibuddy is using the cool slogan. 

Isn’t that just awesome?

P.S.  I feel safe.

Fox Chooses “Lie To Me” Over Obama’s Speech. Coincidentally, Both The Speech And The Show Have The Same Title.

Published by Mockarena on April 28, 2009 in You Know What I Love?. 6 Comments Tags: , , .

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According to this,  the Fox network has opted not to show Obama’s primetime news conference on Wednesday, deciding instead to stay with its regularly scheduled programming for the evening. 

This is kinda a big deal, because it’s the first time ever that a network has refused Obama’s request.  ABC, CBS and NBC are all dutifully showing the press conference, as I’m sure all the cable news networks are.

Fox will air an episode of the show “Lie To Me,” which I think is apropos.

Obama – The Biggest Celebrity Of Them All

Published by Daisy on April 28, 2009 in Really?. 8 Comments Tags: , , , .

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There have been a lot of articles written in the past week about Obama’s first 100 days. Enough to make your head spin, really. But when I saw a quick snippet about the fact that “Celebs line up to visit Obama,” I was hit with the harsh reality that the political landscape has changed – and not for the better, I believe.

In my 19 years of voting, there has not been a President so riddled with celebrity. And as said many times before in this blog alone, the mainstream media has made our President a rockstar – the biggest celebrity at all. This, I believe, is a huge detriment to the validity and reverence of the office. Of politics in general, really.

Just in the past week alone, our President has been inundated with celebrity “dates” in his day planner:

Last Monday, golf great Tiger Woods dropped by the Oval Office while in town to promote June’s AT&T National. Tuesday brought the country singer Toby Keith. On Wednesday, while Barack Obama was in Iowa, R&B singer Usher swung by the premises to talk with administration staff about fighting malaria. Thursday was quieter – maybe just the lull before actor Forest Whitaker’s visit Friday.

And that was just a week.  Toby Keith?  Really?

My favorite line of the piece?

“Obama seems more open to using celebrities for policy formulation and getting ideas.”

Wow.  Just think of what we have to look forward to in the next 100 days.  I just can’t wait to see Lindsay Lohan legislation.  Anyone have any Maalox?

This Is Where It Hurts

Published by Mockarena on April 27, 2009 in News and Really?. 6 Comments Tags: , , , .

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Robert Gibbs, ever helpful and informed, was asked by reporters about the airplane photo op staged in NYC this morning.  He replied, “I have no information beyond what I saw” on news reports.   Well, that’s terrific, Bobby.  Thanks for being such a wealth of information.

Have you guys heard about what happened?  It’s totally outrageous.  The US military, with absolutely NO WARNING to the public, decided to fly one of the jets used as Air Force One around New York City with an F-16 fither jet behind it.  And on top of that, they decided to fly really really low, scaring the bejesus out of thousands of people for no reason.  Unless you count “photo op” as a legitimate reason. 

They circled the Statue of Liberty, flew over Manhatten, and then disappeared.  But not before they caused complete chaos on the ground.  People desperately jammed up phone lines, evacuated buildings, and ran down streets in fear that NYC was under attack again. 

Mayor Bloomberg is apparently outraged.  He only learned of the photo op when his phone started ringing during the flyover.  The NYPD says that it was informed about the Pentagon’s ”aerial photo mission” last Thursday but they were ordered to stay quiet about it.  Whaaaa?  If the president wasn’t on the plane, what’s the big secret?

Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer said that the entire situation was ”absolutely outrageous and appalling.”  He went on:  “To think that the FAA would plan such a photo shoot and not warn the public, knowing full well that New Yorkers still have the vivid memory of 9/11 etched in their minds.  In New York, of all places, to not warn the public that one of the largest jets in the county tailed by a fighter jet is going to fly low over their communities defies logic and borders on simply being cruel.”

I agree with him.  How the FAA and the Pentagon could have for ONE SECOND thought this was a good idea that would have no repercussions is beyond me.

Obama And His Teleprompter Are In A Fight

Published by Mockarena on April 27, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 10 Comments Tags: , .

And the teleprompter appears to be winning this round.

Well played, teleprompter. Well played.

The Only Thing Missing Here Is The Halo…

Published by Daisy on April 27, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 6 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Ah yes, we’re at the 100-day mark, and you know what that means?  Overblown and overexaggerated poll stats that show Obama’s glorified approval ratings combined with that good ol’ fashioned cult-like deification through (dare I say, Orwellian?) propaganda.

I saw this video this morning and my half-digested oatmeal came up a little.  Next thing you know, we’ll be seeing mini movies made by Jerry Bruckheimer with Obama as the hero and Aerosmith playing loudly in the background for effect.  Can we just get the dude some wings and a big chair with the word “God” on it already?

Happy Monday – and the “first 100 days” –  from Amnesty International and the super-public-relations-spin-masters.

You Know What I Think Is Really Kinda Dumb?

Published by Mockarena on April 26, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

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Releasing top secret and previously-classifed memos about how our country manages detainees.  I just do not see what possible benefit this can have to ANYONE, except of course our enemies.

I guess those promises of transparency weren’t necessarily meant for US.

I like Liz Cheney’s interview with Norah O’Donnell.  It’s long, and Norah gets more shrill by the minute, but it’s a good interview.

We May Have A Pandemic On Our Hands, But At Least The President Got 18 Holes In

Published by Daisy on April 26, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 10 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

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First, birds, and now pigs. Geez. If you haven’t heard today about the swine flu “pandemic,” then you’ve been under a rock somewhere  – or enjoying a blissful Sunday by golfing, obviously.

Mr. President chose the latter.  And, you know what?  We don’t even have a Department of Health and Human Services secretary, who’s supposed to be the person to handle this type of crisis.  The administration hasn’t made an appointment for that yet.  (Between you and me, though, I’m betting on George Clooney, since he did play a doctor once on TV and all…).

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said,

“…the effort to get a team in place to respond to the health scare has not been hindered by the lack of a secretary at HHS, a vacancy in the surgeon general’s post or the acting roles for the heads of the Food and Drug Administration and CDC.”

Alrighty then.  But, who DOES act as a replacement in the meantime while they try to fill the spot with yet another brilliant choice?  Well, it’s our one and only favorite gal Janet Napolitano, of course.

“Despite the opening at the top of HHS, Napolitano’s role as homeland security chief gives her the top authority in nationwide coordination.”

Wow.  I feel relieved already.  Someone better pass the Tamiflu.

Joe Biden Can Almost Count As Well As My Three Year Old. But Not Quite.

Published by Mockarena on April 25, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 3 Comments Tags: , .

At some point, you almost have to wonder if Obama is going to just stop allowing Joe to speak in public.

Media to Meghan – You’re Not “Moving the Meter” One Way Or Another

Published by Daisy on April 25, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 10 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

I’m going to go ahead and start this with the fact that I like Meghan McCain.  I really do.  I believe as though she, Mock and I could totally go out for lunch, cocktails, and a raiding of the Nordstrom shoe department.  She seems like a cool chick.  And,  I think she has the best intentions for the conservative movement, trying to do her part to represent a somewhat unheard demographic in the party.  I get that. And I really appreciate it, as I think most people between the ages of 18 to 26 are not going to go against the grain of MTV liberalism.  And because we at COTR are doing a very similar thing.

With that all said, while I appreciate McCain’s candor in many a media situation, I’m not so sure about this one.  Recently on The View, McCain said something about how ’Dick Cheney already had his eight years…now go away.’  

Um, yeah.  That’s just not sitting well with me.   I mean, if Dick Cheney – a dude who’s had a political hand in our nation since the freakin’ Ford administration – feels like giving his opinion about something that has to do with the United States of America, our national security, or what kind of cookies he likes best, I believe he should be able to.  Whether you agree with his spewings is your own business.  Turn the channel if you don’t like it.   The guy has a right.  He’s kind of earned it, actually.  And, he should probably be listened to just a bit, as he may know a thing or two… 

A new order is in order, for sure, but let’s not just throw the elders out with the bath water.  I think that’s a grave mistake that this generation makes way too much.  They think they know everything – so why in the heck would they look to someone in my generation or, dare I say, my parent’s generation – for any sort of guidance on the ways of the world?  I think old people are cool.  What can I say…. 

If this whole, “you had eight years, now your time is over so go away” thing really is the case in her mind, then when her Dad’s campaign was over, should that have meant that her 15 minutes were over? 

Double standards are a real bitch.

But of course, clever and competent readers, I’ll let you decide for yourselves:

Newt Is Scaaaary To Democrats

Published by Mockarena on April 25, 2009 in General Political Mockery and Really?. 3 Comments Tags: , , , , .

I’m proud of House Democrat Dingell from Michigan. He’s one of the few who is actually saying, out loud, what the Cap and Trade program is. It’s refreshing, really. And I mean that sincerely.

You know how yesterday I said Lord Monckton was dis-invited from the global warming hearings by the House Democrats? Well, it turns out that the Democrats are also reeeeally scared of Newt Gingrich. They refused to allow Newt to appear at the same time as Gore. Instead, they chose Senator Warner (R) who’s apparently a lot less scary.

Newt had to wait in a separate room until Gore and Warner were finished with their hand-wringing. And then Newt presented his totally rational and much more cost-effective “green conservatism” plan.

Al Gore needs to grow a pair and debate Newt and Lord Monckton like a man.

Democrats Are Scared That Al Gore Might Humiliate Himself. To Which I Say, “TOO LATE!”

Published by Mockarena on April 24, 2009 in Really?. 3 Comments Tags: , , , , .

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According to this, House Democrats are worried about making Al Gore look bad.   Which is kind of hilarious, really, considering what an absolute joke he already is.

Specifically, the House Dems uninvited Lord Christopher Monckton, a former science advisor to Prime Minister Thatcher, from a global warming hearing that took place earlier today in DC.  Apparently, his appearance was to be alongside Al Gore.  Monckton said that the invitation was rescinded because “The House Democrats don’t want Gore humiliated, so they slammed the door of the Capitol in my face.  They’re cowards.”   Joe Barton, (R-Texas) had invited Monckton to go head to head with Gore and testify at the hearing, but at the last minute, Monckton was told that the Gore had “chickened out.”  

Monckton said, ” The Democrats have a lot to learn about the right of free speech under the US Constitution.  Congressman Henry Waxman’s (D-CA) refusal to expose Al Gore’s sci-fi comedy-horror testimony to proper, independent scrutiny by the House minority reeks of naked fear.  Waxman knows that there has been no global warming for at least a decade.  Waxman knows there has been seven and a half years’ global cooling.  Waxman knows that, in the words of the UK High Court judge who condemed Gore’s mawkish movie as materially, seriously, serially inaccurate, the ‘Armageddon’ scenarios that he depicts is not based on any scientific view.”

I officially love Lord Monckton.  He seems to know a lot more about our constitution than these fine folks in Congress (who are too afraid of Al Gore looking even more like a shmuck than he already does)  to allow an opposing viewpoint to be heard.

Monckton has also challenged Gore to a debate, but (shocker) so far that hasn’t happened.  No one in the Democratic office of the House Energy and Commerce Committee has commented on this yet.  Surprise! 

You know, perhaps Ashley Judd should have been invited in Lord Monckton’s place.  At least then Al would have a nice counterpart in the dumb face-making department.

Janet Napolitano Is Quickly Gaining Strides in The Obama Administration Gaffe Race

Published by Daisy on April 24, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 1 Comment Tags: , , , , , , , .

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In an attempt to make a gaggle of friends during her first 100 days as Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano has instead seemed to alienate a few people.  Specifically, she’s spewed three things in her short tenure that may put her in the running as equally verbal-diarrhea prone as Joey McGaffeBiden.

Those three things, you ask?

1.  Her calling for a proverbial witch hunt on those crazy, conservative extremist nutjobs like me.

2.  Her portrayal of proud, patriotic, returning military veterans – those who have just served the country they love, mind you –  as easily-manipulated targets for those said crazy, conservative extremist nutjobs like me.

And, the latest gaffe in her quest to be Ms. Popularity:

3.  Her belief that terrorists, such as those involved in the 9/11 attacks, came through Canada, when it’s been determined in reports that the terrorists actually came from overseas (and as Homeland Security Secretary, she may have actually wanted to read documentation from that sort of an attack, but I digress…)

So, let’s recap.  Napolitano has pissed off conservatives, perpetuated bipartisanship as a result, insulted the men and women who risk their lives so you and I can continue to be comfortable in our warm homes and enjoy the fruits of freedom, and she’s spewed things out of her gaping piehole that are both not accurate and alienating to Canada.  She’s managed to piss Canada off, people.  Holy wow.

Another brilliant appointment, Obama.  Bravo.

At The Risk Of Starting A Total Comment War…

Published by Mockarena on April 24, 2009 in News. 18 Comments Tags: , , , .

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…I thought I’d let you know, in case you hadn’t already heard, that Plan B (the morning after pill) is now available to women over 17 without a prescription and without parental consent (and for around $50).  This is only news from the perspective that that the age limit has been reduced to 17 from 18.  

This decision by the FDA actually reverses a ruling by Bush’s administration, and has sent, as you might expect, a lot of people to Freakout City.  

So, the deal with this pill is that if you take it (them, actually, since there are two pills) within 72 hours of sex, implantation of a fertilized egg has a 90% chance of not implanting and therefore stopping a full pregnancy from occurring.  

Right-to-lifers, which for the most part I am, are all up in arms about this because they equate it to abortion – since it essentially terminates a pregnancy.  Many pro-lifers believe that life begins at conception, and I respect that opinion.  However, I have always believed that life really starts with the beating of a heart (which, in pregnancy terms means at about 5-6 weeks).  So, I am actually totally ok with the Plan B pill. I don’t really see that it works THAT much differently than a regular birth control pill.

But here’s the problem.  There is really no evidence that Plan B has reduced the number of unwanted pregnancies, or for that matter, abortions. 

So I tend to think that the bigger issue is that women don’t know enough about this option.  There is nothing more despicable to me than women who use abortions as a method of lazy birth control, and the part of me who likes to believe that people are basically good wants to think that if women simply were better informed about the Plan B pill, they’d choose it over waiting till they’re 8-12 or even more weeks along in their pregnancies to then kill their unborn children.  And really, this pill is a no-brainer in situations like rape. 

I guess what I’m saying is that even though there hasn’t been a lot of evidence to date that Plan B reduces the number of abortions, I’d sure like to think that it could, with more promotion and better communication.  So I’m straying from the conservative party line on this issue.  To all of those pro-lifers who are making a big issue out of this?  Keep it up.  In my view, the more attention this product gets, the better.

Either Nancy Pelosi Has A Terrible Memory, Or The Botox Is Starting To Find Its Way Into Her Brainular Area

Published by Mockarena on April 23, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 6 Comments Tags: , , , , .

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So, according to this, House Minority Leader John Boehner confirmed that that there were all sorts of congresspeople, from both sides of the aisle, who were briefed, several times, about the use of harsh interrogation methods used by the CIA on captured terror suspects.

Boehner said that during all of the briefings, not a single word was raised by anyone in objection by either party.  He said, “…And whether you’re talking about the terrorist surveillance programs, whether you’re talking about interrogation techniques, whether you’re talking about the Treasury program to track this money, all of this information was downloaded to congressional leaders of both parties, with no objections being raised.”

But Fancy Nancy is all interested in pursuing an investigation into the folks who carried out these interrogations.   So it wouldn’t look good for Nancy to admit that she was in the freaking room when these discussions took place.  She told reporters today that, “In that or any other briefing…we were not, and I repeat, were not told that waterboarding or any of these other enhanced interrogation techniques were used. What they did tell us is that they had some legislative counsel … opinions that they could be used.”   So, she is asking us all to believe that the CIA told her there was legal justification for using harsh techniques like waterboarding, but not that, you know, they were going to go ahead and USE them.  Because that makes all sorts of sense.  I’m sure the CIA just looooves having briefings to discuss why they OUGHT to do stuff that they’re not actually going to DO. 

The Washington Times reported today that several top Democrats, including Fancy Nancy, were informed in closed-door briefings by the CIA about the interrogation methods being used.  In fact, Nancy was told about what was going on in graphic detail.

But I’m sure in a couple of days, Nancy’s memory will come back.  Just like it did about the Harman Wiretap.

Another Brilliant Liberal Idea – Let’s Rush Healthcare Legislation Just Like The Spendiddlydimulus!

Published by Daisy on April 23, 2009 in General Political Mockery. 7 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .

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The Obama administration is on its way to rushing healthcare legislation through the Senate. According to Fox News today, “by a 227-196 vote, the House affirmed Democrats’ plans to move health care legislation under rules that block Republicans in the Senate from being able to slow — or even stop — it from proceeding.”

What does this mean in non-Senator-person terms?  It’ll be easier for Democrats to have control over the legislation, thereby hurling it through to fruition – much like that whole spendiddlydimulus thing (24 hours to read legislation?  Yeah RIGHT, Mr. Obama).

Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., warned that Democrats were preparing to use fast-track legislation “to jam through a government takeover of health care.” 

Socialized healthcare may soon be on its way, folks.  Just think of the possibilities ahead of us – waiting in lines to get treatment, being denied care just because you’re at the bottom of some socialized recipient list, a decline in the overall quality of American healthcare.  FABULOUS mediocrity.  Pure. And. Total. Crap.

Eat your heart out, Canada.

Earth First!

Published by Mockarena on April 23, 2009 in Really?. 18 Comments Tags: , , , .

So apparently, yesterday was Earth Day.  I know this because a whole bunch of people said, “Happy Earth Day” to me.  What I didn’t know, and what a clever and competent reader pointed out to me, is that Earth Day’s co-founder is a convicted murderer, and, in fact, killed more people than Three Mile Island did.  Ira Einhorn, indeed, killed his girlfriend and then stuffed her body into a trunk, which he kept in his apartment for like 2 years before people realized, “Hey – something really smells bad around here” and the cops discovered the corpse.

Anyway, I think it’s nice that people want to take time out of their busy days to say, “You know what?  Earth rocks.”  I mean, that’s a nice sentiment.  But it’s a slippery slope, you guys.  Remember, first you just appreciate the earth and think it’s really cool, and then the next thing you know you’re stuffing your dead girlfriend’s body into a suitcase.

I guess he would probably argue that it’s “Earth First.” Kinda like these wackjobs do:

Happy belated Earth Day, readers!